• 1. Delete their "Internet" icon. (You deleted the Internet!)
• 2. Set the home page to an embedded ActiveX control that automatically shuts down their computer .
• 3. Change their bookmarks to point to anti M$ sites.
• 4. Set their font colors to white on white.
• 5. Tell them about Linux. Their heads will burst in to flame after the first word.
• 6. Reformat their hard drive and tell them IE 4 did it. (If IE 4 has not actually done that already).
• 7. Disfigure the picture of Bill Gates that they worship.
• 8. Change their default browser to Lynx.
• 9. Fill their desktop with IE shortcut icons. Watch them get dizzy and pass out.
• 10. Tug on their Borg implants.
• 11. Create a shortcut on their desktop with the IE icon, but pointed to Netscape.
• 12. Install an alternate desktop shell on their Windoze 98.
• 13. Uninstall IE 4 -- from Windows 98.
• 14. Fix their virus scanner to detect Internet Explorer as a virus. (Why not? It IS a virus after all!)
• 15. Refer them to a really cool web page... that can not be viewed in IE.
• 16. Winnuke them over the internet.
• 17. Tell them that since they have the "English" version they need to download the "Metric" version of IE.
• 18. Set his 21" monitor to display at 640*480*256@60hz... oh wait, that's what its already set to.
• 19. Hide the task bar.
• 20. Convince them that FTP stands for something obscene.
• 21. Why bother torturing them? If they have Internet Explorer, they probably have enough problems already.
• 22. Change the channel bar.
• 23. Put a self.close() command in the local blank.htm page.
• 24. Set their DUN to auto dial Japan.
• 25. Run circles around their computer with a PC XT running DOS.
• 26. Have some fun with REGEDIT!
• 27. Tell them horror stories about people being abducted over the internet through IE.
• 28. Hit them over the head with a Macintosh
• 29. Copy c:\command.com c:\windows\system\mshtml.dll
• 30. Ask them to start any other application while using IE. Chug, Chug, Chug...
• 31. Have contests to see who's Internet Explorer can run the longest before crashing. Record so far: 10 minutes.
• 32. Perform an exorcism on their computer.
• 33. When you find out they use IE run away screaming something about an alien popping out of their chest.
• 34. Remove all their fonts except wingdings.
• 35. Use their IE CD as a pooper scooper.
• 36. Unplug their modem. Then unplug their telephone so they can't call technical support.
• 37. Disable disk caching on their hard drive. Can you spell "eternity"?
• 38. When they call for tech support, tell them they need to uninstall IE.
• 39. Give their computer to aliens and watch the aliens laugh at it.
• 40. Donate their computer to underprivileged children who could not otherwise afford to be assimilated.
• 41. Wipe your butt with their computer.
• 42. Embalm the browser
• 43. "Borrow" some of their ram chips.
• 44. Show them my "Reasons not to install Internet Explorer" page.
• 45. Run over their computer with your car.
• 46. Associate ALL of their file types with Notepad.
• 47. Load a program that retracts their "cup holder" at random intervals.
• 48. Set proxies when they don't need them.
• 49. Let them install IE from 360k floppy disks.
• 50. See if their Internet Explorer can stand a sudden charge of 1.21 gigawatts - while they are using it.
• 51. Melt holes in their IE CD with a magnifying glass.
• 52. Put a Post-It on the bottom of their mouse.
• 53. Replace Command.com with Reboot.com.
• 54. Have fun with the Klingon font and font substitution.
• 55. Import the contents of their swap file in to a WAV file and set it to play at startup.
• 56: Start regedit, go to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main and change the string value named "Window Title" to something obscene.